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WHERE’S THE GROOM??
A group of about 200 guests showed up for the wedding.
The time for the ceremony came and went and the photographer,
musicians, minister and the site caterers began to
get impatient.
After 45 minutes of waiting, I, the officiant, approached
the bride and asked when the groom was going to arrive.
Through tears and dismay she explained to me that
the groom was in jail. He had been arrested for DUI!!
An announcement was made to the guests that there
wasn’t going to be a wedding! So, the bride calmly
stated that they were going to have a reception anyway.
A few months after this social disaster, I performed
the ceremony for the couple in a home with about a
dozen guests. I suppose the bride thought is was better
to marry the guy than to kill him!
WHERE’S THE MARRIAGE LICENSE?? It is required by law
for the couple to have a marriage license. Before
one ceremony, I asked the groom to give the license
to me. “OH ….!!!” He said, “I left it in the limousine!”
The limo was not due to return until hours later after
the reception.
WHERE’S THE RING?? In the middle of a wedding ceremony,
I asked the groom, “Would you have the vows that you
have made sealed by the gift of a ring?” The best
man handed the bride’s ring to the groom. I began
to state, “As you place the ring on the wedding finger
of your bride, please repeat after me…” The groom
dropped the ring which fell through the cracks of
the deck on which we were standing!! The tide of the
bay of San Diego was out, so some of the groomsmen
scurried underneath the deck and finally found the
ring in the mud….just before the tide came in.
WHERE’S THE RING?? I recall that one bride received
an unusually large diamond ring from her groom. I
was later informed that the somewhat absentminded
bride accidentally dropped the ring into a disposal
unit of her sink. That problem could have been solved;
however, the bride then intending to turn the light
on, turned the disposal unit on!!
WHERE'S THE RING??
At a Yatch Club, I asked the usual question concerning
the ring. the best man feighned shock as he searched
through his pockets for the ring. thes theatrical
performance was then followed by the four groomsmen
down the line acting out the same search for the ring
in their tuxes. The fifth goormsman put up his hands
in dismay, walked to the edge of the bay, pulled up
a plastic fish on a line.....and pulled the bride's
ring out of the fish's mouth!! The guests laughed
as they applauded.
WHERE’S THE RING?? I asked my usual question of the
groom, “Would you have the vows that you have made
sealed by the gift of a ring? The young boy serving
as the ring bearer started to hand the ring to groom
and dropped it in the thick grass of the wedding site!
With much effort and some luck, we recovered the ring.
WHERE’S THE BRIDE’S VEIL?? One wedding was just beginning
when the bride informed us that she had forgotten
her veil at home. Guests, minister and all impatiently
waited while the bride’s father drove home about 20
minutes away to get the veil.
WHERE’S THE BRIDE?? At a beautiful landmark hotel
in La Jolla, the wedding site was decorated to have
the appearance of a medieval ceremony. A local TV
station had heard of the special wedding and was filming
it for the news that evening. I asked the buxom bride
to repeat the vows after me. She began to do so and
then paused, stared ahead and fainted to the floor.
Her low cut wedding dress failed to continue to cover
her innocence as she fell to the floor. Hoping not
to be misunderstood I quickly been down on my knees
and covered the bride’s bosom with my ceremony notes.
I was afraid to watch the news that evening!!
WHERE’S THE MAID OF HONOR?? I did not witness this
one, but was told it by trustworthy sources. In the
midst of a ceremony, the bride announced that there
was not going to be a wedding after all. She then
went on to explain that she had found out that her
groom had slept with her maid of honor!
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